Written by Chris Josh
Many of us want to be a good family member, partner, and friend. We don’t want to disappoint the people in our lives. So we think we must cater to everyone around us, despite our own wishes and mental health.
While it may seem intuitive to help the people in our lives as much as possible, it’s often not appreciated and, in fact, looked down upon.
Saying yes to every request despite your internal objections is called people pleasing. I’m sure you know a people pleaser or have come across one.
They’re not bad people at all. And they shouldn’t be looked down on. Many people pleasers genuinely want to be there for the people in their lives.
But one should never disregard their own mental health and desires in order to perpetually please others. This eventually harms the individual’s relationships and ultimately becomes an unhappy doormat that others lose respect for.
What’s the solution? As selfish as it may sound (it really isn’t), you must put yourself first. Learn to say no to all the requests. And don’t feel bad about it.
If saying “no” is uncomfortable and foreign to you, here’s an exercise you must try in order to get over it.
Do this exercise 3 times a day: in the morning, at noon, and in the evening.
Say out loud “no” 20 times consecutively. Rest for a few seconds, then do another 20 “no’s.: Rest and repeat for a third, fourth, and fifth time.
So that’s 100 no’s in the morning, 100 no’s at noon, and 100 no’s in the evening.
This exercise is great because it will instill the necessary habit of saying no without feeling uncomfortable and without second-guessing it.
The most important thing is when you tell someone “no,” you don’t owe them an explanation. Sometimes they’ll take that as an objection and try to overcome it.
For example, someone asks you to drive them 2 hours away and you say, “I can’t I have a doctor’s appointment.” Well, they might say, “no problem, we can do it tomorrow!”
It’s vital that you simply say no without giving them an explanation (objection).
Let me know if you’ve ever found yourself doing things for the people in your life that you did reluctantly in order to not upset the other person in the comments.
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The Author: Chris Josh
Chris Josh is a spiritual healer, motivational speaker, and a writer. He is the author of five books: City of Serpents, How to Access Your Divine Energy, How Champions Talk to Themselves, The Winning Habit, Unleash Your Confidence, and 8000 Ultimate Affirmations. He’s also written a short eBook called How to Become Your Higher Self.
7 comments
Right saying “no” is the winning strategy.
That’s me right there Chris. A people pleaser.
I have been carrying a heavy sad burden of being a people pleaser my entire life and the older I get, the more I see that I have been abusing myself because I have not been receiving the same energy from those I went out and beyond for. I mean I would literally not have peace within myself until I helped that person in need or make someone’s day special. I would take a reasonable amount of time planning or drafting personalized for example birthday/Christmas/ graduation/ anniversary messages and ensuring that they go out at the right time, get gifts e.t.c. However when it is my turn, all I get if I am lucky is a pre drafted birthday wish while some would just like what another person have written and that’s it. As a result, I would feel sad on my special day. This year was the last strike and I promised myself to plan for me and if someone thought of doing something special, then I will gratefully take that as a bonus. I am learning to reciprocate the energy I get while I am working on saying no. I choose mental health and I hope I will be a happy person.